DPS LiveWire

March 4, 2009

7:48 PM: CORK FIRED – One cork fired – S. Hallway nr. Bathroom – Unk. injuries

7:56 PM: CORKS SEIZED – One cork seized in Bat Cave

8:18 PM: CAP SEIZED – One Cap seized in Jarf Den

ONGOING: Heightened surveillance to continue until MAYES dignitary visit


The following is a statement issued at 5 p.m. Wednesday afternoon by the Forsaken House Department of Public Safety. As a service to our readers and all citizens of Forsaken House, Forsaken House News presents the statement verbatim, in its entirety. This is in no way an editorial on behalf of FHN or in any way represents the views or opinions of FHN staff:
Citizens of Forsaken House,

Our great land has faced many stressors in its time. We have triumphed over adversity to accomplish a democracy whereby unity and co-habitation are not only law but the desire of each and every citizen. Unfortunately, recent events have attempted to undermine this communal ethos.

As you may know, ongoing sectarian violence has placed livelihood and productivity in harm’s way. You may also know that, at a time of unprecedented prosperity in FH, we cannot allow such a precarious position. Compounding this dilemma is the upcoming visit of MAYES, an event planned and hoped for by members from all walks of life in this fair territory.

On Wednesday morning, a series of events occurred which gives the DPS no choice but to enact swift and unfortunately sweeping reforms to ensure the safety of each citizen and visitor. Therefore, effective 6 p.m. Wednesday:

DPS will monitor the Jarf Den area and reserves the right to enter at any time.

Armed DPS constables will patrol all areas of FH at all hours. Any resident found armed with corks, caps or other instruments will be immediately taken into custody and subject to enveloping and/or shelving.

Snates must run smash diagnosis at the request of any DPS constable to ensure their protocol is intact.

DPS will maintain a checkpoint at North Hallway and Doorframe. Any residents passing through this area can and will be searched.

These initiatives will continue as necessary until further notice. DPS reminds all citizens that these measures are for their own safety. DPS maintains no bias, preconceived or otherwise to any citizen regardless of ethnicity. You will be treated fairly.

May we live in peace.

Department of Public Safety

Forsaken House

DPS LiveWire

March 4, 2009

9:56 AM: CORK FIRED – S Hallway nr. Bathroom – Unk. injuries

9:56 AM: ASSAULT – Bat Cave – Unk. injuries

9:57 AM: DISTURBANCE – N Hallway nr. Den E area – Caller states M Jrf 6’5″ walking around half naked, sus. wearing colorful towel last seen heading towards Bathroom

DPS LiveWire

March 2, 2009

7:24 PM: CORKS FIRED – S Hallway nr. Bathroom – Unk. Injuries

7:26 PM: CORKS FIRED – Bat Cave S nr. Window – Unk. Injuries

7:26 PM: ALL UNITS IN HALLWAY, BAT CAVE AREA – Mult. Corks Fired – Unk. Injuries

7:28 PM: POSS. SNATE AUTO SMASH – Bat Cave S nr. Window

DPS LiveWire

March 2, 2009

9:51 PM : CORKS FIRED – S Hallway nr. Bathroom – No injuries

10:03 PM: SNATE WITH CORK – Den E Side nr. Futon

10:14 PM: PUBLIC WORKS CLEANUP – Bat Cave Area